 |
Get Them in Bed Tonight
Stuff sexologist Dawn Yanek goes tête-à-tête with the women of Trashy Lingerie to find out how to install an underwear model in your home. Hint: Start with hooks.
Stuff,
2/24/2003
By Dawn Yanek
I am not a prude, and I am not small-chested. But after chatting for a few hours in an L.A. hotel room with the models from Trashy Lingerie, an ultrahot Web catalog and L.A. shop, I felt both. During that time, I counted seven pants droppings and skirt liftings, four breast flashings (with eight total breasts and barely a bra in sight) and one extended moment of two bare chests rubbing against each other—with women attached. And sandwiched in between? Useful information about how to date a girl who’s out of your league and keep her happy once you’ve got her. The key is to remember that each of these ladies is a normal woman—with an abnormally amazing body and an abnormally high sex drive. And they can be yours…if you keep reading.
DAWN: How should an ordinary guy approach a woman like you?
DITA: I’ve met all my boyfriends at a place where we had a reason to talk—like a party or a work thing. If a guy says, “I think you’re hot,” I’m scared. That’s like saying, “I want to fuck you.” I’d rather he noticed something unusual about me, like the seams on my stockings.
JULIE: My husband stood in line and joined my fan club at a comic-book store just to meet me. He was shy, but I think that’s why I liked him. I used to date much older men, and he was younger and malleable and slavelike, so I was like, “Come to mama!”
RACHEL: Assess the situation before you open your mouth. It’s weird when I haven’t washed my hair and I’m walking my dog and guys say stupid stuff. I’m like, “What’s wrong with you? I have dog shit in my hands.”
RHONIQUE: “Hi. How are you?” It’s that simple. When you add extras, like, “You must work out,” I think, OK, he’s looking at my body. I don’t want to feel like a flank steak.
DAWN: How can a guy tell if you’re into him?
DITA: When I like someone, I’m at the edge of my seat, going, “And then what happened? And then what happened?”
JULIE: If she’s making a lot of conversation or eye contact, put your hands on her shoulders and squeeze, making your way down. She’ll be in your bed before you know it.
RACHEL: See, with me, I don’t want a guy touching me first. If I want to touch you, I will. When I met my boyfriend, the first thing I did was feel him up.
DAWN: And how can a man screw it up instantly?
RACHEL: I hate when you’re at a restaurant with another couple and the bill comes and he starts itemizing-like, “Well, I only had this" Just pay the damn thing.
JULIE: During the Rodney King riots, I was attacked at my house, so I started doing laundry at my boyfriend’s. And one day he said, “I looked at my electricity bill, and you’re going to have to do your laundry somewhere else.” I dumped him.
BRIDGET: When I had a show on Playboy TV, the guy I was with would say, “You know, you really fucked up your career. You’ll never do anything ever again.” I was like, Hold on-I never sold myself out.” I need someone who’s supportive.
DITA: I listen to how a guy describes me to his friends. One guy said, “Oh, she does this little burlesque thing and she’s not real smart, but it’s cute.” It was like I was a novelty, and I was amusing to him at the time. I want to date somebody who gets me, who gets that I wear vintage stuff like this because that’s my thing. [She lifts her skirt to reveal vintage polka-dot garters, black stockings—and no panties.]
DAWN: Does that carry over into the bedroom, especially since you’re a fetish model, Dita?
DITA: Yeah—a lot of guys try to impress me with their wild fetishes. That makes me crazy. Why would I want some schlock tying me up badly when I’ve had the best people in the world do it? I just want a guy to be himself. To me, good sex is about the person and whatever we have together.
DAWN: What are other bedroom disappointments?
RACHEL: One guy had a very big penis and didn’t know what to do with it. He was just trying to kill it, you know?
JULIE: Selfish lovers are out the door. But you can learn what people want by watching how they touch themselves. Like, if you watch men do it, they never stroke it straight down; they always do a little twist and a pinch at the end.
DAWN: What do you like in bed?
JULIE: A finger in the butt while he’s going down on me. And have you ever had cold air from an open window blowing on you while he’s giving you oral sex? It’s amazing.
BRIDGET: One guy had very long fingers—he hit the right spot, and I actually ejaculated. Whoo! [She lifts her tiny top.]
DITA: Whatever I’m into at the time. I want someone who’s never going to say, “No, we can’t do that.” Because when you’re denied the finger in the ass, you want it really bad. If you get it, then you’re like, “OK, now I want something else.” That said, I love it when a guy goes slow and tortures me.
RACHEL: Once, this guy who was kinda conservative—looking tied my wrists to the bed with neckties, put a blindfold over my eyes and gave me an awesome massage. I had no idea where his hands were going, and I didn’t care. I was so into it. Every time I see a tie now, I’m like, Hee-hee.
DITA: I have a story like that, too. A boyfriend once tied me up with a phone cord. He literally pulled it out of the wall-the phone was still attached to it. It was so hot. But another time I saw him, he’d bought restraints, and it totally ruined it. I like it so much more when it’s spontaneous.
DAWN: What’s your proudest sex battle scar?
RACHEL: I was having oral sex with a girl and was apparently doing a good job. The yeses got physical, and she dug her high-heeled shoe into my back. I was like, “Yeah!”
RHONIQUE: A rug burn on my back from the first time
I had sex—I still have it. Whenever I have sex and I’m on my back, it turns beet red. I’m marked for life.
DITA: I had perfect teeth marks on my thigh—a big jaw bite.
BRIDGET: My guy and I have porn names in the bedroom, and when we become those people, it gets crazy. Like once, “Lance” handcuffed “Honey” to the bed and it got rough. Honey had a good time, but her head accidentally hit the wall. And look at this bruise on my butt! I’m not wearing any underwear, so bear with me. [She pulls down her pants.] It looks like a paw print. I have no idea where it came from.
DAWN: What’s the oddest thing that gets you off?
JULIE: Touch my forehead-tickle, lick and whisper on it. If I were paralyzed, I could orgasm from a guy doing that.
RHONIQUE: I love to watch a man walk across the room naked—I like to watch it bounce when he walks. I also like it when a guy puts his hands all the way around my waist. It could be at the supermarket or wherever, but I’ll just lose it.
BRIDGET: I like to play. I’ll leave the room, come back and pretend I’m the maid: “I’m so sorry I got here late. Is anything dirty? I’ll make sure everything’s very clean.” But let me ask you guys a question: Has everyone here had anal sex?
ALL THE MODELS: Yeah! [And rejoicing all around]
DITA: Only with someone I love. It’s like a special treat—like that expensive bottle of wine you bring out a few times a year. When we’re doing it, I think about him giving it to someone else. If I ever saw him doing that with another girl, I’d rip out her eyeballs. But I like to fantasize in the moment.
JULIE: I’ll do it only at the Plaza Hotel. Seriously. And I’ve used a strap-on with a guy before, but I wouldn’t do that with my husband. Addictions are ugly, and
I wouldn’t want him addicted to that.
DAWN: Are you more sexed up than the average girl?
JULIE: Nah, we have the same needs as the average 400-pound chick.
DITA: No. I think we all like to think so, but in reality all women want it like this.
RACHEL: We’re all in relationships, so we feel comfortable doing things. And maybe I’m the only one, but I’m retarded at home. If a space alien were looking down at me, he’d be like, “Oh, my God.” I’ll walk up to people and hump them—my boyfriend, friends, random people. I don’t know why. [Rachel proceeds to hump Dita’s arm.] I think it’s a control-dominance thing. [Bridget and Julie inexplicably lift their shirts and rub their breasts together.]
DAWN: So if you’re doing that on-set with another woman, would you ever take it to the next level?
DITA: We’ve all had the opportunity to do it—and most of us have tried it and said, “That was cool, but it’s more fun to pretend and then think about it while you’re masturbating.”
BRIDGET: If I were with a girl and we were in the right vibe, I might bring her home. Still, I’d be more excited if my husband were watching. But he couldn’t be involved in it.
JULIE: I’d never bring another woman home. If I were single, I might dabble, but I’m straight as an arrow now. When the camera rolls, that’s a different story. I get to dabble, play, pinch a nipple-and I don’t have to buy the bitch breakfast.
DAWN: Wait a minute. You can get a free breakfast?
|
|
|
|
Featured Articles:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Maxim Digital. STUFF® is a registered trademark owned by Felix Dennis. STUFFMAGAZINE.COM and STUFF-MAG.COM are trademarks owned by Felix Dennis.
|
| |