 |
Bullets, Bombs and Boobs
You want action? You want babes? Join the Peace Corps! Too lazy for that? Curl up with our interview of legendary B-movie director Andy Sidaris. It’s explosive!
Stuff,
8/5/2003
By Gene Newman
It’s late. You flip past HBO or TBS. You see a bunch of women with enormous guns, both in hand and attached to their chests, running around blowing things up. Who do you have to thank for that? Andy Sidaris, that’s who! He’s responsible for such classics as Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Savage Beach and, um, Return to Savage Beach, not to mention countless empty bottles of Jergen’s lotion in our household. Thanks, Andy, for having such terribly dry skin. Thanks a lot!
The formula seems so simple: hot busty women and explosives. Why isn’t everything on this planet like this?
One time when I was on the road for ABC sports [where he worked for 30 years and won seven Emmys], I went to my hotel room to watch TV. I put on pay-per-view and one of my movies, Savage Beach, was on one station and [Ironweed], starring Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep, was on the other. I thought, If there’s a choice between Playmates getting naked and blowing things up, and a guy puking up on his date, which one would you choose?
Jack Nicholson puking on Playmates, no doubt! What’s the formula behind an Andy Sidaris production?
All we ask is that people get the joke. That’s it. I’ve always loved early James Bond movies. I just love to give people a chance to see beautiful people in beautiful locations having adventures. It’s easy cornball stuff, but they fly ’cause we don’t sit around and talk too much. It may seem simplistic and stupid, but people walk out of my movies and get more than they thought they would.
Like reptiles shooting out of toilets. In Hard Ticket to Hawaii, what’s with all the lights and smoke when that enormous snake erupted out of the toilet?
It just seemed right. [Laughs] We had a guy crawl under the toilet with a fire extinguisher and shot it up. On the third take, it looked great and we moved on. The snake returns in Battlezone Hawaii, our next movie. It’s a huge python, with cancer or whatever the fuck it has, and it’s gonna rip up some people.
So, no trip to the Lucas Ranch for that effect?
In our pictures, we have to give our audience a certain amount of nudity, real cars and explosions, but none of that CGI shit. We’re frugal. The fire department in Louisiana does our explosions. The special effects guys are always the biggest pain in the ass, and they know it. It’s the union stuff. We always said that we have eight to 12 shots in the can by the time they park their trucks. The first eight pictures we had effects guys, and these guys never got it on time and were always concerned with safety. Well, who’s more safe than the fire department? We spend $500 down in Louisiana, and in California it would be $18,000. And it’s fun for these guys, too.
After over 30 years of marriage, how do you get along with your coproducer wife, Arlene, during a shoot?
The first two pictures she was ready to strangle me. I like control, and she came up with words like story and motivation. That was the pain in the ass. We had arguments, but now we have it down. It was all ego bullshit, but we’ve learned that the only people we can trust is each other.
You’ve created a whole new career for scores of Playmates and bodybuilders. Do they camp out on your lawn hoping for their big break?
We get calls, but not as much as you’d think. The thing we find more than anything is that Playboy tells them they’re gonna be stars. Some of these girls are from the middle of nowhere, and they’re told to stay away from people like me and [Roger] Corman and head to Hollywood. The problem is there’s a new Playmate or Penthouse Pet each month, and these girls get buried in the competition. We’ve been turned down because some of these girls are looking to be stars, and some of them can’t even talk, let alone act!
Time for a lighting round. In Picasso Trigger, is that HBO’s Jim Lampley’s voice giving the news report on the assassination?
Yes it is. He was also in Hard Hunted as a senator.
In Malibu Express, is that “Nick the Dick” from Bachelor Party?
He was the one with the dick on the tray, right? Absolutely! [Brett Baxter Clark] almost got the lead in Malibu Express, but he played a better bad guy.
Of course he did. Who scared you more in Guns: Danny Trejo or Erik Estrada?
Danny Trejo, ’cause he’s the real deal and served hard time. This was his first picture and he didn’t have a fucking clue. He’s such a sweetheart and a superb guy. We are so proud he’s doing well, especially since Arlene’s the one that pushed for him in the first place.
Julie Strain, who’s been in Stuff (check her out here!) and hundreds of B-movies, is a close friend and neighbor of yours. After watching your DVD box set, we were wondering: Why does she even bother wearing clothes?
I don’t know. My son and I walked over to her house once, and Shae Marks [see Sidebar below for Shae details] and Julie were walking around stark naked. For them it’s normal. They walk around buck naked all the time, and I always appreciate it!
Does she ever stop by to borrow sugar and offer neighborly cheer?
All the time! One day Regis Philbin and his wife were over to play tennis, and Julie Strain stopped by to drop off donuts. I said to Regis, “How many Penthouse Pets drop off donuts at your house in the morning?”
We’re guessing zero was his final answer!
Andy’s currently working on Battlezone Hawaii and is in talks with Spike Network to produce a TV series. Read our review of The Andy Sidaris Collection: Volume One and grab a copy of his biography, Bullets, Bombs and Babes: The Films of Andy Sidaris.
|
|
![](http://ad.doubleclick.net/ad/stuff.dart/hype;kw=;pgs=back;tile=3;sz=300x250;ord="+cachebreaker+"?) |
|
We asked Andy Sidaris to give us the top-five hottest women who have appeared in his movies. Don’t believe us? Well, look below, Mr. Skeptical. (See. You’re wrong!) |
Dona Speir. She has the most perfect figure of any woman in the world, ever. Not the most beautiful, but body-wise, perfect.
Julie Strain. She’s off the charts.
Roberta Vasquez. She will always be one of my favorites. She cost us a lot of money because I would just stare all the time while the camera was rolling. I used to waste so much film and weep openly when I’d look at her. But I’m married, and my wife’s lovely. So what can I do?
Julie K. Smith. She’s just the full package. Not only is she beautiful, she is also an incredible dancer.
Shae Marks. A perfect body, face and attitude. The moment I met Shae, I grabbed my son and said, “Marry this girl so I can be her father-in-law.“ She’s just so beautiful I wanted her around all the time.
|
|
|
|
| |
|