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Pam Rocks On!
Step aside, lesser beings! With her health back on track and Kid Rock ancient history, Earth’s greatest natural resource sets her sights on a future as a fashion maven and a stripping superhero.
Stuff,
3/17/2004
By Jonathan Small
While you won’t find Tommy Lee or Kid Rock in Pamela Anderson’s bedroom anymore, you will find a stripper’s pole. She installed it recently to fulfill one of her lifelong goals: pole dancing. (No, not the kind with colorful regional costumes and accordions.) “It’s one of those things that I always wanted to do in my life,” she admits. “So there. Done. Check that off the list.” Besides maintaining her rockin’ body, the pole also helps get her into character for the TV series Stripperella, which features an animated Anderson dropping clothes and bad guys. The show, which recently entered its second season on Spike TV, is keeping Pam busy. She has also been putting the finishing touches on her new clothing line, the Pamela Collection, a man-torturing line of Saran Wrap–tight T-shirts, remove-with-a-blowtorch jeans and light-my-fire lingerie for the ladies. We managed to catch her before she ran off to Las Vegas to unveil her new wares to the drooling masses. In this interview, she covers everything from romance to dying. Being thorough is part of being God’s greatest gift to man!
STUFF: What makes your new clothing line so hot?
PAMELA: Let’s just say I have learned a few tricks about lingerie along the way. I’ve worn it enough to know what I like and what’s comfortable and sexy.
What can we expect from Stripperella this season?
We’ve revamped her a little, so she looks a lot better. When I started doing the show, they animated it all in Korea and Japan, and I thought they would make me look better as a cartoon. But I thought I looked like a drag queen! So I called my friend Olivia and asked her to do it, and now it looks a lot more natural.
We hear you’re working on a novel.
It’s coming along really well. I only write it when I’m wearing my eight-inch Lucite stilettos. I put them on and suddenly I feel smarter.
You too? How are you feeling healthwise, with all that hepatitis C noise going on?
I feel really healthy. In fact, I probably have a healthier liver than most people. I just have to keep an extra eye on it.
But you recently said that you had only 10 years to live. Tell us it isn’t true!
I never said that. I was on Howard Stern, and he asked how I was feeling. As a joke I said, “I probably have a good 10 to 15 years left in me.” Then Us magazine prints a story that claims I told them in a first-person interview that I only have 10 to 15 years to live. In Canada, they twisted the story around some more, and then I only had five years to live. It was awful, because my grandmother called me, panicked, saying, “How come you never told me you only have five years to live?” It gets worse and worse. Apparently, I only have one year to live in Germany.
Speaking of Germans, what’s your take on this Janet Jackson “Boobgate” thing? Wardrobe malfunction? Shameless publicity stunt?
I have no idea why that was such a big deal. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a nipple.
We hear that you have a bizarre phobia about mirrors. True?
I don’t like to look at myself in the mirror, because I am so much hotter in my mind. I look at myself naked and I say, “I am so much better looking than that. Bad mirror! Bad mirror!”
What’s the most popular misconception about you?
I find a lot of people I meet, especially journalists, have written the interview before they’ve even met me. Then they meet me, and they’re like, “Oh, wow! You can form a full sentence. You’re a genius.” I love that people have low expectations of me, and then I can just shock them with a complete sentence.
And independent clauses joined by conjunctions! Anyway, what shocked you the most about Hollywood when you first got there?
The sex was boring. I found it was all talk and no action. Or, as I like to say: big hat and no cattle.
On the subject of cattle, you do a lot of work for animal rights. Why?
Since I was little and could roll nickels and quarters, I always gave my money to animal charities. And then when I was on Baywatch, I realized that I had a lot of attention focused on me, so I decided to get ahold of PETA and use my celebrity to help animals. I begged them to let me help.
Would you ever throw eggs at a woman wearing a mink coat?
I would never throw eggs at anybody, but somebody’s got to do it. There are extremists in any movement, but I wouldn’t be an aggressive protester. I did an ad where I wore two pieces of wilted lettuce next to the slogan “Turn over a new leaf—go vegetarian.”
What do you do to chill?
I never hang out and chill. I’m a single mom with two kids. I don’t have a nanny. I do it all. Dealing with my kids, my ex-husband and my career is a full-time job. I’m really into playing basketball, baseball and street hockey. I’m Canadian, so I have a little hockey in me.
What is your relationship status now?
I don’t have a boyfriend.
So you and Kid Rock are just friends?
[Laughs] Well, let’s just say we’re no longer together. We don’t hang out.
Are you looking for a new boyfriend?
Be serious—how am I gonna do that? I wait for them to look for me. So, c’mon, guys, start looking.
How does someone like you meet men, anyway? The Internet?
Are you serious? Internet dating? I would be so not into Internet dating. I don’t know how it’s supposed to work, which is probably why I have such a problem meeting guys. But I have no complaints. I love my girlfriends.
What’s something you hate?
I hate reality-TV shows. That craze has got to stop. It’s just too much information. I don’t care about these people. I don’t watch TV at all.
Well, gotta run. The Surreal Life is on tonight.
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The Hot List |
Ten reasons Pam is still the steamiest woman in Hollywood.
1 She has lofty aspirations.
“I just keep saying I want to grow up and be a stripper.”
2 She’s the girl of the century.
Pam was the first baby born during Canada’s 1967 centennial celebration and thereby earned herself the title of the Centennial Baby rather than That Conehead Baby with Gross Goop All Over It.
3 She knows how to blow a horn.
“I played saxophone for seven years in school, and there’s a musical side of me that’s aching to come out.”
4 She’s good.
“I believe in God and that he is the reason that I’ve gotten through everything that I have.
And I go to church.”
5 She’s evil.
“I put my brother in a barrel and told him not to come out until I told him to. Then I alerted the whole town that he was missing. The cops came first. When they found him, he said, ‘I can’t come out till Pam tells me to.’”
6 She makes Jessica Rabbit look like Fred Flintstone.
In the cartoon Stripperella, Pam is the voice of the exotic dancer–superhero who fights bad guys
by wrapping her legs around their heads and squeezing with her thighs until they become unconscious. Or aroused.
7 She’s a masochist.
“I gave birth at home both times—natural, with a midwife, in water—with nothing, not even Tylenol.”
8 She inspires women to be like her.
“A woman broke into my house. She was in my house for three days before they found her.
She was wearing my Baywatch swimsuit, and when the police came, she cut her wrists and bled. I think I was in shock, because I just remember screaming about my Belgian linen sheets.”
9 She’s highly profitable.
Pam raked in $740,000 from the Web company that hawked her infamous Tommy Lee sex tape. That’s a lot of money, Pam. You might want to release another. You know, for the kids’ college fund.
10 She’s never seen us naked.
“I’ve never seen a small penis.”
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