The skinny:
The release of Euro 2004 coincides with the actual European Football Championship games in Portugal this summer. As long as you can perfect wallowing in your own ignorance—and we know you can—you will discover the secret to enjoying Euro 2004. All the new skill moves, a control scheme easy enough for a determined squirrel to master and fantastic graphics should make you a fan of every foreigner's pastime. If that doesn't do it for you, there's a player on the Lichtenstein squad named Ronny!

If you liked this game, you'd like:
FIFA 2004, World Tour Soccer 2005, shin guards.

Hours to complete:
It's soccer. We can't answer that question for you.

Tantalizing tidbits:
EA continues to up the ante for background music by including a solid list of Euro-sounding tracks from groups like the Boxer Rebellion and Minus. Even better, you can almost hear the announcers lighting up their Marlboros. Everything from the official team rosters to the detailed fields and even to the smoke bombs set off in the grandstands at Wembley Stadium keep your head in the game. Once EA enables you to goad members of the crowd into attacking opposing coaches and murdering players who fail to perform, it'll be just like the real thing.

Buy, rent or run away screaming?
A great game but not worth buying if you already own FIFA.