The skinny:
Turns out that blowing up a chunk of a civilization tends to piss off the inhabitants. Just ask Afghanistan—or the Covenant, the conglomeration of alien races that gamers fought in Halo. They're back, and they're threatening to overrun our home planet like Scientologists hopped up on Red Bull. It's up to you to lead the global resistance, as you strap on the cybernetic helmet of the Master Chief. (Like our helmet, it's glittery and has a little flag attached.)

Thanks to an all-new physics engine, vehicles now blow up into glorious chaos, with wheels, wings and parts flying everywhere. Advanced weapons, such as the one-hit-kill Plasma Sword, make slaying aliens more fun than new nipple clamps. And the sleek, sprawling designs of the year 2552 will sizzle your retinas—that is, when the newly destructible environments aren't crumbling from heavy weapons fire.

But where the sequel will really fondle your boys is in the multiplayer modes. New level designs let you funnel the action into wide-open areas or allow you to stalk the terrain's nooks and crannies looking for the perfect sniping spot. It's now compatible with Xbox Live, so you can bust out your rocket launcher at buddies all over the country. With Halo 2, Microsoft has truly cooked up video-game crack—but without the salty aftertaste.

Tantalizing tidbit:
While the Campaign mode is adequate, Halo 2 needs to be played on Xbox Live for a true understanding of how this game can change your world. Just don't even think of using the gamer tag "HotPantsBilly." He's spoken for!