The skinny:
The president's daughter (she's cuter than the Bush twins combined) has been kidnapped by a cult, and it's your job as government agent Leon Kennedy to travel to a lost-in-time European village and fetch her. Find-the-piano-scroll-type puzzles are kept to a minimum in this installment, while the ass-kicking has been maximized, thanks to an overhauled control scheme that let's Leon move like a normal human being instead of a Sherman tank in need of a lube job. Within minutes after the game loads, possessed villagers wielding pitchforks and chainsaws are bearing down on you. And just when you think the situation can't possibly get any worse, it always does. (Wait until you meet a cuddly creature later in the game known as "the Regenerator.") Call us crazy, but this is the first Resident Evil game that's so damn good we're actually thinking about taking a second tour of duty and reopening our zombie barbershop. Because zombies need haircuts, too.

Tantalizing tidbit:
Overwhelmed by possessed villagers? Thin the herd by aiming for their kneecaps. They'll go down faster than that old wig-wearing hag in the "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.

Buy, rent or run away screaming?
What the hell are you still reading this for? Put your raggedy-ass jacket on and go out and buy the damn game already.